i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
