I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
