so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
