Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize