So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
