How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
