Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
