Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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