dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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