; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Duck Duck Cougar?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
