I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Randomize
