I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize