I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Im just a social blackout drinker.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
