Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
