I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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