fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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