I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
