I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
