I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
