Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
try to milk me bitch
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