eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
