He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
