This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
