Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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