What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
