I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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