playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
