I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
