dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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