I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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