I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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