This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
