the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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