If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
