The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
