From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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