let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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