I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
