It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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