I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
