is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
