he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
