He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
