True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
