If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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