I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Everyone says I win the strip club
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
