Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
