Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
