I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
