I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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