ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My dad just said "fuck circus"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
