Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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