yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
