the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
