so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
