I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
