I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize