it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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