Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
