How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
