I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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