I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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