I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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