My nipple is on Facebook.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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