I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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